he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
