Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
