I am puke
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
