then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
