Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
