i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
