Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize