I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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