I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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