so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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