Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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