So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize