Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
