If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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