I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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