the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
