life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
