Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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