i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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