i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize