We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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