I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
