ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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