Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
