I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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