Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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