i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
