No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
