worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
