I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
