Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dick has a subreddit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
