Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
