You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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