Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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