so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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