My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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