Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the day after is always just damage control
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
