i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
