Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
