Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you win again, gameday.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
