sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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