i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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