That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
