i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
