I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
