Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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