Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
