Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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