I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it glows. i had to have it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
