hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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