the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
