My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
