Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to calm my uterus...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
