she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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