I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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