today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
