Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
