I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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