does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
