I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
