in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
