I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
