we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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