I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
