Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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