Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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