We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
