you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I met the friendliest cop last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
