Betty ford says i'm here all night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize