You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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