Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dear god my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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