That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You are the jesus of drinking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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