i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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