I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
