she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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