Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
